买ym自传,调节性生活(转载)

Guy Buys Book on Yao Thinking It Offered Sex Advice

　　Josh Groveland, a 42-year-old real estate agent from Seattle, Washington, bought the book Yao: A Life in

　　Two Worlds from a local Barnes & Noble bookstore Sunday afternoon, thinking it included tips, tricks and advice on having better sex.

　　Groveland, who’s been engaged to 38-year-old candle shop owner Chrissy Lowe for 6 months, started shopping for a book on sex with the intention of spicing up their love life. The couple is happily looking forward to getting married next August, but wants to do things to keep the passion in their relationship, especially in the bedroom.

　　“Rob and Diane have been talking for weeks about these really racy books they’ve been reading that have evidently made them crazy for each other,” said Groveland. “Anyway, Diane told Chrissy that there’s all these Eastern books on sex and stuff that show you how to have make love in thousands of weird ways for something like 20 hours in a row. They call it Kama something-or-another. I’m not sure. All I know is that Rob has this huge shit grin on his face everyday so I decided to buy one.”

　　“The last time I was at Borders, I saw another book called Ichiro that looks like it could help us out.“

　　- Chrissy

　　Rob says that right when he walked into the bookstore, he saw Yao: A Life in Two Worlds and just assumed it was a book about having crazy, mind-blowing sex with your legs wrapped around your partner’s head. That’s when he decided to purchase the book.

　　“Rob had mentioned this thing called Tantra. Or was it Tantric? I can’t remember,” said Groveland. “Anyway, he said it helps you become one with the girl you’re banging, or some shit like that. I just figured this whole “Yao” thing was pretty much about the same thing. There was even a picture of this Asian guy on the cover. I guess I just assumed he was the founder of some erotic sexual philosophy called “Yao”.

　　After buying the book and driving home, Groveland ran Chrissy a bath, cooked her dinner, gave her a massage, and then showered their bed with rose petals.

　　Unfortunately for Josh and Chrissy, “dunking“ isn’t the name of a Tantric position

　　When she went to change into something for comfortable, Groveland took the book

　　out of the bag and surprised her with it when she returned. Lying there with candles

　　lit and Kenny G playing, they opened the book and Groveland began to read.

　　“We were expecting to learn how to do the “Feet Yoke” or the “Peacock”, but all we

　　read about was this 7’6” Chinaman who plays basketball in the NBA for some team

　　called the Rockets, as well as some quips and anecdotes by his teammates,” said

　　Lowe. “It was kind of disappointing. Here’s Chrissy and I, just getting into it, you

　　know, and I start reading to her explaining how this “Yao” character defends the post

　　when he’s playing against some guy named Shaq. I mean, sure, his struggles of

　　adjusting to life in America are fascinating, but right now, we’re struggling to have

　　sex more than once a week. We kind of lost the mood, so we both just put our

　　clothes back on and laid there watching “60 Minutes”.

　　Groveland says later on, he sort of paged through the book before putting it on a bookshelf alongside other books he never intends to read.

　　“I thought about taking the book back to Barnes & Noble, but if they asked why I was returning it, I wouldn’t know what to say,” said Groveland. “I guess I could explain to them that I thought the book would diagram how I could get Chrissy off using 10 pillows and my knee, but you know, well, that’s a little embarrassing. Plus, I have no idea where the receipt is.”

　　Despite the disappointment, the couple hasn’t given up its hope of turning up the heat in the bedroom.

　　“Rob mentioned Tantra. He said it helps you become one with the girl you’re banging, or some shit. I just figured this whole “Yao” thing was the same thing. There was even a picture of this Asian guy on the cover.“

　　- Josh

　　“The last time I was at Borders, I saw another book called Ichiro that looks like it could help us out,” said Chrissy. “I haven’t heard any of my girlfriends mention it, but just by the name alone, I’m guessing that it’s another one of those kinky Eastern sex books. It’s a little weird that the guy who evidently preaches it wears a baseball hat and a uniform, but maybe there’s a lot of role playing, I don’t know.”

　　找到翻译

　　　　42岁的乔什·格若兰是一个不动产代理商，家住华盛顿州西雅图市。他在某个星期天的午后从当地的Barnes＆Noble书店购买了《Yao：a　life intwo worlds》，为的是能从书中得到一些提高性生活的技巧和建议。

　　　　格若兰是在六个月前和38岁的蜡烛店老板切瑞茜·劳尔订婚的，为了给爱情增添情趣，他希望购买一本关于性生活方面的书籍。这对爱侣甜蜜地憧憬着来年八月的婚礼，当然也想一直维持激情的温度，特别是在卧室中。

　　　　“接连几个星期，我们的朋友罗勃与丹妮都在谈论他们独到的那些性趣盎然的书；很显然，那些书使他们俩为彼此而痴狂。”格若兰说。丹妮告诉切瑞茜，那些有关于东方性生活的书籍介绍了千余种性生活的奇妙方式，甚至可以令人持续20小时。“我也不是很明白。但一看到可恶的罗勃每天都咧着嘴笑呵呵的，我就决定我也要买一本那样的书。”

　　　　之后罗勃对他说在书店里看到了《Yao：a life in two worlds》，并认定这是一本有关于性生活的书，可以令人疯狂不知所以，所以格若兰决定购买这本书。“罗勃提到什么‘Tantra’，还是‘Trantric’？我记不清了。”格若兰说，“反正，罗勃说那会帮助你的性生活。所以我就以为姚明的书很有可能也是这类内容。封面照上的是这个亚裔小伙。我猜想他说不定就是某种名字叫‘Yao’的性哲学的创造者。”

　　　　格若兰买了姚明的书后开车回家。他先打电话约了切瑞茜一起在家中共进晚餐，之后又在床上撒了些玫瑰花瓣。不过乔什与切瑞茜很不走运，书中所反复提到的“灌篮”可不是身体部位的名字。当切瑞茜换衣服时，格若兰从包中拿出了姚明的书，这令换好衣服的切瑞茜十分惊讶。烛光摇曳，两人一边听肯尼·基的音乐，一边翻开书，格若兰开始读了起来。

　　　　“当时我们都期待着能从那本书里得到我们想要的信息。但是，书中只是在说这个身高2米多的中国人在NBA的什么火箭队打球，还有他的队友们说的一些俏皮话和奇闻轶事。”劳尔说。“书的内容令人大失所望。当时我和切瑞茜刚刚有了感觉，我却不得不开始为她解释这个姚明怎么样防守另一个叫沙克的人。我是说，当然姚明努力地适应美国的生活，了解美国的文化，这样的故事很吸引人。但是我和切瑞茜买这本书的目的只是想在一星期有两次以上的性生活。可当时我们已经没什么兴致了，只好重新穿好衣服开始看《60分钟》。”

　　　　格若兰先生说，后来，他大略翻完了姚明的书，便把这本书放到书架上了。“我曾想过要把这本书退回去，可要是书店里的人问我为什么的话，我该怎么开口呢？”格若兰先生说，“也许我可以告诉他们，我买这本书只是想能与我的未婚妻过好性生活；但你明白，这多少有些尴尬。而且，我也忘了把收据搁哪儿了。”

　　　　当然，对于美国人来说东方文化是神秘的，他们好奇，想要了解中国也是好事情，但是他们竟然把姚明当作性哲学家，就有点离谱了。但是这也不能怪美国人，是我们自己宣传得不够。

标签： 两性生活故事